Hello again web-stalkers and readers.

 I apologize for my long absence from this blog.
I was behind on this blog by a ways as we were approaching bout 2 of our season, and after a ref only practice I was traveling to a local restaurant to have dinner with the other refs and NSOs (remember them? you know, those invisible people in the bright fuckin pink shirts? The ones who make derby possible just as much as any ref.)

  Anyway... I digress, where were we?  On the way to dinner! and I stopped at a stop light... Now I'm not one of those guys who needs a giant truck to feel cool, in fact I feel the need to under compensate for my awesome NSFW ................



attitude, so I tend to drive very small European cars.
 

So as I was at a stop light I was Bro-dozed by a driver in a S.U.V. who has no business on 4 wheels.

Oh yeah Derby... So I was injured, and can't skate for a while.
It was very close to bout 2, and I wasn't in any condition to help with non skating official work. I stayed at home swearing at the low quality web stream until I could handle it no longer and resorted to chewing up some cherry flavored children's opium based pain pills to ward off the headache caused by annoyance with the situation.

 I've been going to scrimmages to learn more N.S.O. tasks, and I am looking forward to bout 3, coming up in 4 days!

Anyway, what was I getting at?....

Something entirely different.

 It's actually been near a year now since I joined the booty camp!

and thankfully I can say, although I have slowly become part of our little derby family, and we are of course a dysfunctional family, I want to rant a little about what seems to be a common issue in  derby.


Bullying, and other unsportsmanlike conduct.
I'll preface this by saying what I have witnessed of bullying behavior in our league has been minimal, but it has existed.

 It hasn't always been the classic version of bullying, nor has it been all that bad. It's been more of the variety of emotional blackmail, snide comments, personal smack talk, and quite frankly, what I find to be fairly normal in any large social dynamic.

(Readers: Don't ask me for specific examples, it's not going to happen. I don't owe it to anyone to explain what I have observed, but if you know what I am talking about, I encourage you to address the issue. I might be family, but if I am still not, nor will I ever be a league member. )

Team attitudes, and skater attitudes can vary, and at times I wonder if we aren't sitting on some sort of social powder keg.

I'm the sort of person who likes to figure things out, so I'd rather light a fire under this keg and see how much powder is in it now, then wait until it gets much more full and blows.

 Maybe it's because I am a man.. I will never fully understand the minds of women, and I don't want to. A full understanding of the feminine psyche might cause my head to explode.









While a healthy team and individual rivalry is good, this is derby, you have an alter ego for a reason.
Put it on the track, play the bout, then put it in your pocket and don't be a bitch.
Yes... I actually said it... DON'T BE A BITCH. 

Someone has to say it, and not behind the backs of everyone in a hushed whisper to a friend. I don't really have any derby friends at all. I have a derby family, I didn't pick them all, and they didn't pick me, but there's some love there, and the best thing about family is you can tell them when they are fucking up.

Main Fuck up:

We are still a very new ref crew, and the other night at scrimmage two of our newest refs (female refs I might add, which explains the social dynamic a bit more) skated their first scrimmage, trying to learn the ropes.

#1 When a ref is new, and you realize you can get away with breaking the rules, it's not an excuse to hit high, skate unsafe, trip, or otherwise be a BITCH. This is how injuries happen, and I don't frankly give a shit if you hate that other skater, respect the game.


#2 When a ref is brand new, there is no need to argue with them in excess, when they are new, as I know from experience, odds are good that half the time they did make a mistake in their call... And the other half, you are dead wrong. Refusal to recognize that one can be wrong makes one a BITCH. (this goes both ways, I'm not just picking on skaters...or my own family here.)

#3 This is Derby, not a hit squad. Smashing on your opponents is encouraged, but not when the end goal is to put her in th ehospital, disable he,r or otherwise knock her out.

I understand the strategy, and yes it makes sense, but Derby is played for the points, and that skater might be a bad-ass in a helmet right now, but in 2 hours she's probably going to be a mother with a job, kids to feed, and a life of her own.

#4 I enjoy a drink too. Sometimes I can embarrass myself. But I never cause embarrassment or injury to the league, or my crew of Zebras. While this is a very rare occurrence, I have seen it on 3 occasions in a year (hell, that's less than 1% if you were out ever day of the year.) If you can't handle your drink and conduct yourself, don't make other people babysit you... Grow up!

That concludes this rant. I hope it doesn't garner hate because it isn't personal, and you don't have to agree with it. It's just an opinion, and you know how those can smell.

Think about what sportsmanlike conduct is... Do it! Represent the league.
And lets keep a positive attitude. We all love this sport, lets love the sport and respect each other.

First bout!

Our league had it's first bout of the season. It was not a sanctioned bout, but it was still a blast!
We had some refs come visit, and a 10 year veteran and founder at a nearby league was our head skating official. 

I worked the penalty box... Piece of cake!(mostly) I like the Pbox. You can actually watch most of the action (although you should really watch the skating officials closely each time they blow a single long whistle for a major, or 4th minor, just in case they are signaling more than one minute must be served.)

The bout was tons of fun, and one of my close friends retired from derby. This makes me a bit sad, but I am glad she retired for the reasons she did. All the best to you M.

No one broke any bones. YAY!!!

And the after party was a good bit of fun. I talked to coaches, skaters, and fans. Which leads me to this little meme I threw together:

I think it's pretty honest. Your mom always sees you as a kid, your buddies assume you are in it for the booty. The fans think you are blind, the skaters think you kick them while they are down, and you are never as cool as you wish you were.  (Plus, the drinking after the bout is good fun.)

The two that really get me, is how the refs are perceived. I heard a lot of complaints, and a little praise.

Some things fans and skaters need to know.

#1, refs are unpaid volunteers, who pay a lot of travel and gear expenses to be able to help out. very seldom does any money go to anything for the refs, unless you buy them a drink. (I have to state that our league gives $ for visiting ref gifts, and paid half of our insurance this year, so they are awesome!) 

#2, when you sit in the stands you can see the entire stadium, you can see the whole track, the benches, the penalty box, the other side of the stadium with the creepy guy eyeballing you in the beer garden.... The refs can see what is 2-6 feet in front of them. Their field of vision is limited to about 2 or 3 skaters at a time, and only 1/3 of their body height. If I look at skates, I can't see above the hip. If I look at hips to head, I can't see the feet. 

A jam ref, for example, is usually watching the center mass of a jammers body during a scoring pass, and it's amazingly easy to miss them crossing the line.

Am I justifying? No. I am explaining. To the fans (my friends included) who want to ref from the stands, I would encourage you to find a time where you can skate with a pack in proximity, video tape it from the outside, and see how many calls you can make Vs. the number you will miss.

I don't want to miss any calls at all, I want to see it all, call it all, and assure the safety of the skaters to the best of my ability, but the reality is you have to forgive yourself for missing things, even if they are obvious from the beer garden.

#3, Well, sometimes we do kick you while you are down,(figuratively) it's just a part of the sport. I don't think anyone does it out of malice.

#4, The perceived division between refs and skaters really annoys the hell out of me. If we didn't like the sport, or the skaters, we wouldn't volunteer to do it. We don't think we are better than anyone. In the past I suppose most refs where I am at didn't hang out with skaters a lot. The fear of appearing biased, or the fact that some skaters hold a grudge over a bad call has prevented that. I don't really care if someone assumes I am biased. I am just as honest and harsh with my friends as I am with strangers in my life, and no matter what you do, someone will always believe what they choose to believe.




Enough of that crap, lets chill, have a beer, talk plates wheels and boots, and whatever else. I like the kind of people with the gusto to play this game. You can be strange( I know I am), but don't be a stranger.

(Then  no one is lead jammer, but no one is disqualified from becoming lead so lead will have to be declared in a successive pass through the pack.)

 Well, yet another week has passed. A practice and a scrimmage.

This week I worked the penalty box, pack reffed, and jam reffed.  I am apparently "Not as bad as some other refs." who are by some mystery allowed to officiate actual bouts. I haven't seen these refs, but I honestly hope that I never do see them at a sanctioned bout.

Thankfully our local staff is pretty good at officiating and I have some good refs to learn from.

  Every week I talk about my mistakes, I could point out where I royally screwed my jammer giving her a major for a minor back block that made her fall, or my inability to make that *one* tripping call yet again, or calling an illegal procedure and actually yelling "Off sides." I don't even watch football... WTF.

UPS gets here late on Saturday, and my order of Fucks won't be here for a long time, so I am completely out of fucks to give.
 

 I forgive myself my mistakes, at least I am making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it's quick enough.

 That's another key to reffing I think. Even the veteran refs I know who have been doing this for 4 or 5 years still make mistakes, but they look into the rules, verify their understanding with other refs, and make sure they know what to do next time the situation arises.  One of my favorite practices of a veteran ref is yelling "pushing." instead of "back blocking." I still think that's better than "off sides."



Interesting fact: Roller derby has tons rules and scenarios to keep track of,  I'd try to count them just for the sake of knowing, but I'd rather just spend my time reading them. The rules seem to change ever 3 to 6 months. (Pushing was re-defined and no longer exists in the rules, we now have use of hands/forearms and backblocking to take it's place)

 If I could tell anyone who wants to get into reffing any one thing it'd be to watch more derby, study rules in all your spare time (which I am severely lacking) and talk to other refs as much as you can.


Interesting stuff:  There are thousands of forums, facebook pages, discussion groups, and other resources out there to get rules clarified.

A few worth mentioning:
zebra huddle
Roller Derby Rule of the Day (facebook)
westcoast zebras yahoo forum


And never forget the governing document:
WFTDA official rules

 We had another scrimmage. I Jam reffed the first scrimmage, then pack reffed the second.

It is utterly amazing how an otherwise intelligent individual with some small understanding of the rules can totally screw up on the most basic things in the heat of making the call. I think I put two or three skaters on the bench over a minor.

 

At least I can laugh at myself. 

Our league generally has a Q&A at the end of each scrimmage, which is usually a civil conversation about the rules,(by usually I mean it can easily become a total shitshow if someone want's to throw anger around.) and frankly, an opportunity for skaters to call us on our bad calls. Generally speaking it's a great practice and it helps everyone learn more.
 

During our Q&A someone observed that a skater had been benched for a minor back block, to which I stated: "That was a mistake on my part...and I stand by it!" 

I think that is (in my noobie paridigm) quintessentialy derby reffing. Shit happens. Mistakes can be made, and you try your best to avoid making them. The more you make, the more you learn and grow, but standing by your calls is imperative. Yes, it was a shitty call. Yes, I see my mistake and will try my damnedest to not do it again. Thank you for sitting on the bench knowing full well I screwed the pooch, and not complaining. 

I think I was probably 60/40 on my calls. and 40% error is really unacceptable to me. I wonder how a zebra kicks itself.  I missed making a tripping call, and I saw the coach signing it to me. Sadly even though I saw the skater go down... even though I saw no one but my jammer was near her at the time, I still had a skater blocking the view of my jammer's legs. If I can't see her legs make contact, no matter how obvious it was, I can't call it. *sigh* The obvious call, is sometimes more like the "oblivious call."

On another note: If you are a ref and you wear glasses, losing them might not be a good idea. I wore my prescription sunglasses and the "blind ref" jokes never ended. I like to be th one to make fun of me, so I will keep the damn sunglasses and I will acquire a white cane. Yes. I am an attention whore. If I am going to miss calls while I tackle the learning curve, I may as well inject a little humor into the situation.


Sincerely,

⠠⠃⠁⠃⠽ ⠠⠵⠑⠃⠗⠁

Well derby fans, it's been a while. I've missed a lot of practices because they were cancelled. We've had a good bit of snow here in the northwestern states.

My inner man, (who has a 4wd for winter) really was annoyed by the cancellations, but my inner ref approves whole heatedly. Safety first!

Our local Derby Enforcement Agency had a practice which consisted mostly of track layout, signaling and some rules discussion. I was sad we didn't get to do any skating, but the whole group has to function as one unit. With the potentially chaotic mix of visiting refs and NSOs it's vital that we all communicate in a certain way.The time was better spent working on the basics, standing on wheels is easy, communicating with other human beings (and zebras) is hard.

I went to a practice this evening, which as usual had one skater on the ground with a trashed knee cap and ankle. Get better soon B!

Did I mention I was the only Zebra at practice? It makes me sort of sad.









Of course one the coaches invited me to make calls as I skated with the players, which was almost impossible. There are three teams in our league, and with at least 14 skaters in groups of three playing "14 jammers go through a pack all at once" it was a lot to keep up with.




(O.k. I admit it, there were so damn many elbows, back blocks and so much track cutting I could have more penalty calls in one night than I had POGs in my childhood)

I didn't call anything, being the lone zebra.  In retrospect, I suppose being the only one, and making bad calls mixed with some good ones is better than not making calls at all. Damn I have a lot to learn. But hey, a guy has to do something for free beer!

 Well, I had my first practice session as a skating official.  For the first scrimmage I shadowed an experienced Jam ref, annoying the living shit out of the guy with questions, pointing out calls he missed, and generally being a pest. (I kid, I kid, he was happy to teach.)  It was a bit confusing, as I had forgotten a few of the fundamental rules, and of course the officiating guide can only cover so much material. (and let's be real, I can't remember all that shit yet!)

Shocker #1: It's harder than it seems to avoid the 6 other officials in the middle of the track.
Thankfully we didn't slam into each other.

 For the second of the scrimmages I shadowed the head ref and did the same thing. I had less questions about pack reffing, and caught a few missed calls.

Shocker #2: I've known it for a while, but before I ever stood in the middle of a track I wondered how it was they needed so many refs, and how the hell they missed so much. It's easy to miss a ton of calls, the view from the inside sucks, and you really have to judge so many things, distances, center of body mass, timing for contact, amount of impact, zones of impact... It can make your head spin.  I think this explains it well:
Roller Derby - The Smartest Referees in the Whole World

Not to mention that having a hell of a case of bronchitis, or something like that, today it feels like I contracted some form of plague.

On the last scrimmage I really really wanted to pack ref. (I secretly want to be an outside pack ref. yes, I know this qualifies me as a masochistic fool, and everyone tells me not to do it.)   Instead I was assigned to follow the jam ref again. When I got there he pushed me out of my comfort zone and told me I should jam ref and that he would back me up.

Nerves aside, I realized I had to get out of my comfort zone and give myself permission to make some epic mistakes, miss 1,000 calls, and piss some skaters off.

and I did all of those things beautifully. By the end of the scrimmage I knew I had driven them all absolutely insane, The coach wanted to kick me in the balls, and the captain was probably too busy checking out my butt to care.  I did know that all of my penalty calls throughout all 3 scrimmages were 100% spot on, so I guess my failures (learning experiences) elsewhere were forgivable.


Other random shit: We had a visiting skater from New Zealand and she did her kiwi sisters proud. (We are in Washington state.) A skater cracked some ribs, (get better L!) EDIT: and I just found out another skater broke or fractured her ankle that night too. (take care of yourself P!)  this season we have had some brutal practices, resulting in a few knee and ankle injuries, 2 broken ankles, and a busted tibia IIRC.


 Derby really isn't a sport for the timid, you don't get that many broken bones in the NFL preseason.




P.S. This is about right:

Fuck Yeah, Roller derby Zebra (meme tumblr)

So, What is this roller derby shit?

I used to go watch every other bout, wondering what was going on as a bunch of chicks in knee pads rotated in a clusterfuck of spandex, nylons, sequins, and leather. Sounds like some amazing porno right? Well, to some fans I'm sure it is. To me, it was exactly what it is: A contact sport, played for position and speed, and beer, all on quad skates. (o.k. no beer on skates, there's a rule on that.)

Could it get any cooler? contact sports on skates.  In short: Yes, it can get cooler. You can get to know the players. If you want it to remain cool as possible, avoid learning all of the rules. For nerdy types, who like to understand things check out "my website" and favorite books for the rules of the Women's Flat Track Roller Derby Association. I for one, am a nerd, and have no shame.

I had a few friends who were WFTDA skaters, and after seeing me skate after a good 14 year brake, they kept telling me I should come ref. I was apprehensive, but my family pushed me too, reminding me I had wanted to get involved for a long time.

So here I am, I went through "booty camp"(not as sexy as it sounds, trust me.) did about 4 or 5 scrimmages (that's a practice to you total noobs) worth of NSO (non skating official) work  and got my insurance for the 2012 year. Tomorrow will be my first scrimmage as a skating official.

I'll leave you folks with that as an introduction, I could probably write a novel, but I'm pretty sure "A clockwork Orange" is taken, and nadsats is almost as confusing as derby lingo.

-Baby Zeeb



P.S.